My name is Tabitha Graham, I am a proud military wife of a hard-working EOD (Explosive Ordinance Disposal) Specialist. Sometimes my husband works so hard that as you can see, cuddling to a gun and sleeping on the ground sounded good.
My husband is the intelligent type in the military, not the soldier type. As his Sargent told him, “Graham, you are amazing at your job, but you are a terrible soldier.” Meaning, my husband does not seem to like being yelled at repeatedly, or told what to do when I am sure he sees an easier way. However, he is amazing at his line of work and has received awards for his handling of explosives.
With his job comes many stresses, besides the normal paperwork and duties. David (my husband) will come home extremely tired, but act energetically. He will seem so calm and collected but really inside he is a mess and just does not want to bring work home or worry me.
So how can you support them? How can you show your soldier he is appreciated? Most importantly, how can you help relieve some of his stress?
Communication: This will not work for everybody, as it is not always everyone’s strongest trait. However, if you feel comfortable with this means of support, this may help. This is the biggest and most simple way to support your warrior. Tell them how much they mean to you, I do not mean simply butter them up. I mean with your whole heart in it, tell them how proud of them you are for their service. How much you appreciate their hard work and determination. How much you love them and are here for them. These simple words mean so much to men, who have an innate sense to take care of their family and work hard.
Showing The Love: This is very simple, in fact, most of you probably already do these type of things. Cleaning around the house, this shows that you care about the house you two, or they have supplied. Being excited when they get home, this always makes anyone feel good. If you have an issue with them, wait until they settle into the house… And just love them when they come in. That way its more of a debate or conversation, and not a fight.
Another way you can show affection is by doing something simply for them. Is his back hurting? rub his shoulders (for no reason or motive). This shows selflessness and love, not to mention appreciation. Men, this means you too… If her back hurts, rub her shoulders (do not expect to ….. be pleased back 😉 ) When you rub her back for no reason, and no expectation of luvin, you show her value and love. Besides chances are she will initiate anyways, but that is not why you rub her back.
Other ideas: Make their favorite meal, watch their favorite show (even if you want that show to die), make breakfast for them (even when they work at 5am) … yes, love sometimes hurts. Well I believe you get the point, love is about sacrifice from our normal selfish selves, find what they love or appreciate and help them in some way.
For Females: One way to show appreciation or that you are pleased with your man… is making love. Although you should be doing this anyways!!! Sometimes a woman, we tend to let little things get in the way of love-making. We need to always be able to love and work forward, no one is perfect! We mess up as a woman, and men mess up also. Giving him passion once a day (if possible in the situation), would probably boost his mood, loveliness, and lower his stress. Besides, admit it! you enjoy it too.
For Men: Woman are different from you! I am sure you have noticed 🙂 Remember this when trying to show her you care. With us, we like the stupid stuff. Even if we act like we hate it!!! I have never been the girly type, but when my husband brought me roses with one white rose and a card that read ” you are the one that stands out above the crowd”, meaning I was special and not like the other woman. I loved it, and clearly still remember a year later. We like that type of stuff, the spa is really how we relax, massage, bubble bath. We just need a break really, you may think we do not do much… but if you were in our shoes you would see our stress level was very high. Just like I am sure yours is as a man, working your butt off and providing for your family.
If your genders are internally reversed, feel free to read the other gender for tips 😉 I know some of this, I am more man like 🙂
Giving Space: You will find that sometimes they just need space or time. Sometimes a break from people is needed, or even to play with their newest hobby. My David loves to work on things, and keep himself occupied, he gets in the zone. Sometimes when he is in the zone, all he needs is just me there, not talking, just doing my own thing… in the same room as him. 🙂 Sometimes he just needs to spend time making my family laugh, he gets along with my father very well, and together they will laugh for hours.
Just Words: The biggest way is to watch what you say before you speak, your words have the power of life and death. A lot of people will say “they are just words”, but they are not. If you look at yourself every day in the mirror and say “I will never amount to anything”, you start to believe it as a title and will thus not amount to anything. What if you say to yourself “I am more than a conqueror, I will rise against adversities and succeed in life”….?
For years I told myself I could not write because my grammar was bad and because I was not good enough or good at anything. A close family member used to tell me that I could not do this because of ______. Multiple reasons, and more than not, the words put me down. For years I thought that I was nothing, and would never amount to anything because I was taking on and accepting titles that were not mine to take. Words do matter! Words like “Why can you not do anything right?”, or “You never help out!”.
Think before you speak:
- 1: is it true?
- 2: will what I say to encourage or tear down? (is it positive criticism/helpful or just mean words)
- 3: am I just angry or upset at something else?
- 4: is this a good time for this conversation?.
The Love Bank: You have a love bank in your relationship with your partner, you choose whether it’s full or negative. Let me explain… When you do good things or speak positive loving words to them, you are adding to the love bank. But when you say negative things or do negative things, you take away from that balance you have gained. If you do more negative than positive, you end up with a negative account balance… You then have nothing to draw from and your relationship will struggle. At this point in the relationship, people start to think things like “I should have never married them” etc. Which is actually a normal thought at some point of your relationship, no matter how long. It is your choice then, to start building back up money in the account and getting out of the negative with love and compassion. Does not matter who made it a negative account, it takes one to start bringing that balance back up. And usually, you will get a positive response back eventually.
As a woman, I have an opportunity to take care of my husband and love him the best I can. Getting rid of his extra pressure is a necessity for his high-stress job. As a man, helping her unwind is very important because if you treat her well, she blooms like a flower and will be there and support you through thick and thin. PS. I did not say spoil, I said to treat her well. With love, kindness, understanding, forgiveness, and consideration, together you should be able to hold each other up and move towards the future together.
This is just a small means of helping your solider and alleviating stress.